Tonya Harding, Cindy Wilson and finding the inspiration to write again

It's been two months, yo. I've broken the golden rule of writing and have forgotten that 99% of it is just sitting down and doing it.

I could complain about work taking over my life, but that's a shitty excuse and I will not allow it. What's happened since is that I've run a 10k race with my cousin Tasha without puking:

I also visited Montreal for the first time in my life and although I traipsed all over old town with bloody stumps for feet, I did not find the Iron Chef-winning lobster poutine promised me. By the time I found the clichéd, unmarked building where it swam and squeaked, I had already downed some of the best sushi I've had anywhere. Who knew the St. Lawrence could compete with the Pacific? So until another day to try poutine for the first time evah. It's not exactly on my to-do-before-I-die list, but I feel a bit too virginal not having sampled the heart attack/cancer food on a plate. And yes, I plan to eat bull's balls one day, too.

I also had one of those 6-week TELUS stretches of madness that can make a grown woman weep. My body and brain rebel when I have those spells and I do the non-heroic thing and ignore friends, family and vegetables as I try to stay sane. The bright spots were the five-hour flights and 90 minute ferry trips where I got to have spotty or no wi-fi and a date with my Kindle or (egads) my thoughts. Nothing I'm ready to talk about yet, but I'm makin' some plans, yo, and I hope you'll come with me.

As I get closer to the anniversary of c-dawg madness, something I've completely realized in the past two years is that trying to live a balanced life is a different kind of crazy. It's impossible to give everything equal attention. You will shift. You will favour. And that's okay. The first year of cancerland I wandered the aisles thinking of food and how what I had been putting into my bod was creating a space for disease to live. I'm still working out what the grub on my plate looks like every day, but I know what I need and the rest is a process. I'm going in the right direction.

In the past six months it's been about the realization that not only is it ballz that I've been so sporadically lazy my whole adult life, but that it's stupid not to do something about it. So my energy has gone into finding time to run and make it a priority. I still don't love it all the time, but it's in my bones now.

Which is the perfect time to go all Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan on my trick skiing knee at Stella's parent participation field hockey practice this morning. I'm injured, and likely out of running for at least two weeks. And that licks.

So while propping up my knee, icing in 15 minute spurts, I've been contemplating turning 40 in about six weeks, my upcoming trip to New Orleans with my husband, cousin and her husband, and figuring out what I need to turn this mother around again. Because that is what it's all about for me now. Not being complacent and comfortable. I've also had more opportunity to think about my friend and cancer twin Sharon and she would have turned 41 this past week. We held a ribbon tying event in her honour in Burnaby for TELUS Day of Giving, and I actually felt her hanging around the cafeteria, with that interested smirk on her face and willing us all to just get on with things. I still miss her. And she drives me to keep doing.

In the end, I've decided that to keep doing, I need to do some stupid shit, too. Like sing "Give me back my man" by Cindy Wilson of the B-52's sometime in the next year. And I don't just mean into my living room karaoke mic. This strikes fear and love in my heart because I'm a crap singer and because the B-52's saved me from rock of ages hair band hell when I was growing up in le ghetto.

So it will be.

And while I'm planning all this 40-year old nonsense, I managed to find a wicked paleo cookie recipe. Vegan if you want them to be, grain-free, sugar-free. My kids loved these. Make them and think of me.

Guilt-free cookies

1 banana
1 apple, cored & peeled
1/2 c almond butter
3 tbsp softened palm shortening (or butter)
1 tbsp vanilla
1.5 c almond flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 c of anything else you want (chocolate chips, raisins, nuts - we added dark chocolate chips)

• Puree banana and apple together in a food processor.
• Add puree, almond butter, shortening, and vanila to a bowl and beat until combined.
• In separate bowl, mix flour, baking soda and salt.
• Add dry ingredients to wet and mix until dough forms (my dough was quite wet, but it worked anyhow).
• Form into tablespoon-sized balls and place on greased/lined cookie sheet.
• Bake at 350 degrees for 8 to 12 minutes (mine took 15).
• Store airtight for a day or two, but then you'll need to pop them into your fridge or freezer to keep them fresh.